:: Baroda High School ::

Topic - Parenting

Thought for the Day

What is Parenting?
Parenting is to raise a child, educate guide him or her in the best possible manner to create socially responsible, productive individuals who make not only their parents proud but also the society.

Parenting skills - Rearing Moral Children

How do our children learn right from wrong? How do we teach them to be the kind of people who enhance rather than diminish the quality of life in our society? How do we pass on to them a sense of morality, values, and social responsibility?

Characteristics of Moral People:

Of all the parts of parenting, no part is as important as raising children with good values. As parents, we may hope our children are good athletes, achieve in school, are artistically talented, or good looking, but nothing is as important as their moral behavior. If our children are not good, honest, self-disciplined, kind, hard-working people, then their humanity is diminished. But what does it mean to say our children are "good" people?

The following characteristics help promote moral development:

	Honest and trustworthy
	Faithful and loyal
	Hard-working, responsible, and self-disciplined
	Kind, with concern for their fellow human beings
	Independent, able to resist the pressure of the crowd
	Generous, giving, and selfless
	Loving, empathetic, sensitive, and tolerant
	Friendly, helpful, cheerful, and gentle
	Concerned for justice, and respectful of legitimate authority, rules, and laws
	Respectful of themselves and the rights of others
	Respectful of life, property, nature, elders, and parents
	Courteous, polite, having good manners
	Fair in work and play
	Merciful and forgiving, understanding the futility of holding a grudge
	Service oriented, willing to contribute to family, friends, community, country, religious organizations, and school
	Courageous
	Peaceful, calm, and serene

Rearing Moral Chilren

Morality is Respect:
Parents need to respect children and require respect in return. Discipline must be respectful and model the restraint, gentleness, and fairness we expect of our children. As children get older, we need to ask for and consider their opinions when setting rules and consequences. Children develop morality slowly, and in stages. These stages have their foundation in a secure attachment and basic trust, beginning in the preschool years and continuing to develop even in the adult years. These stages are the ones of right and wrong that we carry around in our heads as children, teens, and adults. Each stage has its own theory and idea of what is good and right and different reasons why people should be good. Each stage brings a person closer to mature moral development.

Respect Kids and Receive Respect in Return:
Treating kids with respect means treating them like persons, being fair with them, relating to them at their level, and making some allowances for the immaturity of their developmental stage. It means giving kids the feeling that you're trying to consider their point of view.
Since morality is a two-way street, we can require respect in return from our children. We can insist on courtesy and expect consideration. We can require in firm, unmistakable ways, the special respect that is due us as parents and caretakers and the simple respect that is due every human being

Teach by Example:
One of the surest ways to help our children turn their moral reasoning into positive moral behavior is to teach by example. Teaching kids respect by respecting them is certainly one way to teach by example. But teaching by example goes beyond how we treat our children. It has to do with how we treat others as adults, how we treat and talk about others outside the family. It has to do with how we lead our lives. Think back to how your own parents influenced your moral development by the examples they set. We teach respect for all persons by the examples we set. Nothing else is more indelibly etched in our childrens' minds.

Teach by Telling:
Even though it is extremely important to teach by example, it is not enough. Children are surrounded by bad examples. They need our words as well as our actions. They need to see us leading good lives, but they also need to know why we do it. For our example to have maximum impact, they need to know the values and beliefs that lie behind it. Children's books can be helpful in illustrating values. Moving stories that are told through television shows or movies can also open the conversation with children about morality. Worship, study, and celebration of your religious faith together as a family also can promote moral development.

Help Children Learn to Think:
It is not enough to set a good example and tell children what we think, important as those things are. We also have to teach them to think for themselves. One father describes how his parents did that: "Whenever I did something wrong, my parents didn't just demand that I stop my behavior. Instead, they almost always asked, 'How would you feel if someone did that to you?' That gave me a chance to reflect on whatever I did and how I'd like to have it done to me." There are two very important moral lessons here. First, take the time to think. Second, put yourself in the other person's shoes. Neither of those things comes naturally to children. We can help their moral development by giving them constant encouragement to stop and think and to take the viewpoint of others into consideration. Children who think about and discuss moral issues make better headway through the stages of moral reasoning than children who don't.

Help Children Take on Real Responsibilities:
	Have your children complete chores and jobs around the house, take responsibility for their own homework, or take care of a younger sister or brother, an ill family member, or animals. Volunteering, service projects, and giving to a charity provide an opportunity to give of self through responsible action

Balance Independence and Control:
Children need limits with independence, roots, and wings. Finding the balance can be tricky. Too much parental control can lead children to rebel and make poor choices just to get some freedom. Too much freedom leads to children feeling overwhelmed - having too much power before they are ready for it. With an overabundance of freedom, children may get the idea that parents don't really care what they do or what kind of person they become.

Love Children and Help Them Develop a Positive Self-Concept:
Parental love helps a child take in parental values and rules. Parents who spend quality and quantity time with their children as well as love them abundantly have children who have higher levels of moral development

Foster Moral Development and a Happier Family:
Helping children grow morally and making good families are really the same thing. When you're doing one, you'll be doing the other. A close family gives children people to identify with, examples to learn from, values and traditions to uphold, and a support system to turn to in times of need. When children feel connected to the family, they've got a rudder that helps them hold to a course of responsible conduct in the face of pressure from peers.

Children and Student Suicides in India

Alarming and thought provoking are two words to describe the recent spate of children suicides in India. Our children are the future of our nation and yet they are not confident about living. There could be a reason that is a common thread among all these suicides. Though only a psychologist would throw a clinical light on the same, there is somewhere a lack of trust in oneself. As a child grows from an infant to a toddler, a parent is constantly finding ways to make the child happy. Sometimes they are born with a silver spoon and plain lucky but there is a need to nurture their emotions more than material comforts. Today’s children have a lot of exposure mainly because their parents or grandparents are very educated and have a seen a lot of the worldly life. The bar on performance is very high within a family. This transcends on them and today’s generation picks up the progressive vibes and reflects the enthusiasm.
The usual signs of discomfort in children in the growing years are that they like to be alone, spend hours in a room or do not acknowledge anything surprising. Merely being present in a social function may not conclude that they are enjoying the same. It is very tough for working parents and the mantra for home chores is also time management. Scheduling activities or going through a routine leaves us with more quality time with our kids.
	Often parents to teenagers say that their children do not need them. They seem independent in their choice of movies, clothes and vocation. But ultimately they silently seek our approval especially when it comes to education needs. Though financially we may be the provider they want our support. Parenting is no longer a give and take thing but it’s about participating. Finding the root cause of your child’s change in behavior or noticing his or her dislikes is very much important. The tough job for a parent is to persuade without pressuring as it is highly important to develop the emotional quotient of a child. Kids surely respect and love to be respected. Growing needs, their physical growth and aspirations are just as important as our goals in life.

Good Parenting skills – 7 Skill

Parenting is a skill set which can be learned. Being a parent is a joyous thing, but good parenting skills are something that you have to continuously work at. You will never be a “perfect” parent, because we all make mistakes. Here are a few tips to ensure that you are being the best parent that you can be.

1.	Show Love
	Always give your children a lot of love. Tell them “I love you” and make sure they know that they are special to you. Provide them with a lot of hugs and kisses and always be there when they need a shoulder to cry on. But real love is more than saying a few words and being available. The behavior of loving means being respectful to your child, showing kindness, caring enough to spend time in taking a walk, reading a story, and sharing stories of your own life.

2.	Listen When Your Child Talks
	Listening to your children shows them that they are important to you. No matter how strange or ridiculous it may be, listen to your child’s stories, ideas and complaints. When you listen to your children then they know that you are interested in what they have to say. Don’t just pretend to be listening, as children can quickly see that you are really not that interested and that you are just pretending. Value their ideas and ask them to tell you more.

3	Make Your Child Feel Safe
	Children are defenseless in life and they may be scared easily by things they don’t understand. Comforting your child at every stage in life will provide them with the security they need. They need to know that you are there for them and that you will protect them. They also need to see that you have taken steps to protect them.

4	Provide Order and Organization
	Children need a regular and daily schedule. They need to have meals, naps and bedtimes at consistent times throughout the day. Depending upon your child’s age, you can plan routines together. For example, after school, does your child need a play break, homework time or food snack. What do you expect them to complete before dinner? Before they go to bed, they need to take a bath, brush their teeth and get their school supplies ready for the next day. How do you and your child organize your morning without rushing?

5.	Appreciate Your Child
	You can show appreciation is so many small ways, and children truly need to know that they are doing well and that you are proud of them. Use frequent pats on the back, smiles, praise for an achievement well-earned or task accomplished well.

6.	Consistency is Key
	Your rules don’t have to be the same rules you had when you were growing up, but whatever rules you choose to have need to be enforced on a consistent basis. This goes for mom and dad, family members and baby sitters. If two parents are raising the child, then they both need to have the same rules.

7.	Spend Time with Your Children
	If you need help developing good parenting skills, then there are several resources available to parents. Parent coaching can provide you with a parenting skills assessment and will help you develop a parenting skills curriculum that can be utilized on a daily basis.

What is Your Parenting Style?

Take this quiz to discover your parenting style!

The following questionnaire is divided into two parts with fifteen statements each. Part I is designed to help you identify your beliefs about being a parent. Part II focuses on your current home situation. As you read each statement, decide how much you agree with it.
Then write the number from 1 to 5 that corresponds to your level of agreement: 1..strongly disagree; 2..disagree; 3..neutral; 4..agree; 5..strongly agree.

Part I: Beliefs

Part II: Actions

It is better to give a little ground and protect the peace than to stand firm and provoke a fight.

I often have to call my child more than once to get her or him out of bed in the morning.

_________________

Children need discipline that hurts a little so that they will remember the lesson later.

I have to constantly stay on top of my child to get things done

_________________

Children shouldn’t always get their way, but usually we ought to learn to listen to what they have to say.

When my child misbehaves, he or she usually knows what the consequences will be.

_________________

The parent-child relationship is like a war in which if the parent wins, both sides win; but if the parent loses, both sides lose.

I often get angry and yell at my child.

_________________

If parents provide a good environment, children will pretty much raise themselves.

I often feel that my child is taking advantage of my good nature.

_________________

The parent’s role is like that of a teacher who is preparing the child for a final exam called life.

We have discussed chores at our home and everybody takes part.

_________________

Childhood is so short that parents should do everything to make it a happy time.

My child gets a spanking at least once a month

_________________

“Spare the rod and spoil the child” is still the best policy.

My child has no regular chores around the home, but will occasionally pitch in when asked.

_________________

Children need to learn what they may or may not do, but we don’t have to use punishment to teach.

I usually give my child clear instructions as to how I want something done

_________________

Whether we like it or not, children have the last word about what they will or won’t do.

My child is finicky eater, so I have to try various combinations to make sure he or she gets the proper nutrition

_________________

If you let children have pretty free rein, they will eventually learn from the consequences of their behavior what is appropriate.

I don’t call my child names, and I don’t expect to be called names by my child.

_________________

Children first have to learn that the parent is boss.

I usually give my child choices between two appropriate alternatives rather than telling my child what to do.

_________________

Too many children today talk back to their parents when they should just quietly obey them.

I have to threaten my child with punishment at least once a week.

_________________

If we want children to respect us, we must first treat them with respect.

I wish my child wouldn’t interrupt my conversations so often

_________________

You can never do too much for your child if it comes from genuine love.

My child usually gets up and ready without my help in the morning.

_________________

Scoring your questionnaire:

To determine your style as a parent, first transfer your score for each item to the blanks beside the following item numbers listed in parentheses. (Put your score for item #2 in the first blank, item #4 in the second blank, and so on.) Then add your scores in each row across, and put the sum in the last blank.

Autocratic belief score:
(2) ____ + (4) ____ + (8) ____ + (12) ____ + (13) ____ = ________

Permissive belief score:
(1) ____ + (5) ____ + (7) ____ + (11) ____ + (15) ____ = ________

Active* belief score:
(3) ____ + (6) ____ + (9) ____ + (10) ____ + (14) ____ = ________

Autocratic action score:
(17) ____ + (19) ____ + (22) ____ + (24) ____ + (28) ____ = ________

Permissive action score:
(16) ____ + (20) ____ + (23) ____ + (25) ____ + (29) ____ = ________

Active* action score:
(18) ____ + (21) ____ + (26) ____ + (27) ____ + (30) ____ = ________

To get a clearer look at how your scores on the three styles compare, transfer each of the six totals to the appropriate blank in the table below. To get your combined scores, add your belief score and your action score for each of the three styles. Put these numbers in the blanks in the “Combined” column.

	Belief		Action	Combined
Autocratic	__________	+	__________	=	__________
Permissive	__________	+	__________	=	__________
Active*	__________	+	__________	=	__________

Interpreting your scores:

The highest Combined Score possible for each style is 50. The higher your score, the more you tend toward the style of parenting. Your highest Combined Score, therefore, suggests the style of parenting you are currently using.

If either of the other Combined Scores is within fifteen points of your highest score, consider your use of the two styles about equal. The greater the difference among scores, the greater your current preference for the style with the highest score.

Differences of more than fifteen points between Belief Scores and Action Scores for any style suggest that you tend to believe one thing, but do another. Do not be alarmed by this. It is common and understandable.

High Autocratic Score - If you’re like most people, you’ll find yourself more autocratic than you thought you were. But after all, this was the predominant style parents used when you were growing up. If you scored highest on this style, you probably find yourself in frequent battles with your child. Anger and frustration probably characterize the power struggles that you and your child experience. You are probably reading this web page to find some relief, as well as a more successful approach.

High Permissive Score - In an attempt to avoid being autocratic, you may have overcompensated and developed a permissive style. If you are in this group, your relationship with your child may be pretty good as long as you do what your child wants. But you probably find that your child gets very hostile, and perhaps even throws tantrums, when you do say no or make a demand of him or her. Your relationship is characterized by service and pleasing, but only in one direction. You may have already begun to resent this unfairness. If so, you probably scored higher on the autocratic scale than you expected. It is easy to get fed up with a permissive approach and flip back to an autocratic one.

High Active Score - If you scored highest on the active style, your relationship with your child is probably already positive. Though problems certainly occur, an atmosphere of mutual respect, trust, and teamwork enables you to handle them without the hurt or resentment that characterize the other styles. You are probably using many of the methods advocated and taught in Active Parenting courses at this website. Our goal is to support your efforts and help you discover other compatible techniques.

* The Active style is sometimes called the “Authoritative” or “Democratic” style.

Overcoming Exam Fear

Our brain can remember everything and interpret them well, more than a computer. Its working nature seems to be a mystery, i.e., it is tough to forget the thing one wishes to forget, and it is difficult to remember the thing one wishes to remember. Alarms and schedulers can ease one in this condition. Anyhow, for all learners, the brain’s cooperation is very much essential. When one gets tensed or is fearful, one can often go blank as if the condition / situation / circumstance had formatted their brain.

“Knowledge is power”. To attain that, children are now pressurised to journey with studies and schooling for gaining it. Parents just ride roughshod on their children to reach their aims or goals. Many times many parents make their children tense and nervous about exams. Of course, fear (within limits) is good, since it may draw more attention and care. But they should understand that for good, efficient learning and perfection in presentation, good parenting with encouragement, good teachers, good institution, (of course, good student), etc., are very essential.

March will be a dreaded season or a tension period for children (more for parents too) due to exam fear. Parents will sacrifice TV, outings, tours, sleep, etc., for the sake of their children’s studies. In spite of it all, if they find that their children could not cope with the situation and lose their concentration, they will often become frustrated, irritated and worried. Also, parents would often complain that their children are studying well but not scoring well. At this juncture, they need to encourage their children than blaming them and should go for analysis of the cause to rectify / treat it.

One’s incompetence and ignorance usually debar them from their activities unless good luck plays a major role. So, taking this issue for business, nowadays lots and lots of products, including health drinks, come into the market, claiming that they can make the brain work to develop IQ (intelligence quotient). Actually speaking, it is difficult to prove the gain of IQ, since it needs not only brain boosters but also one’s interest in learning, ability, tendency to concentrate, good teaching, favourable circumstances, etc. Here brain needs more exercises than just a brain booster - Learning and recalling – just like contraction and relaxation of muscles as we do for our physique. Squeezing the brain during childhood is good for one’s life in future. Here one needs to remember the old proverb

I hear – I forget
I see – I remember
I do – I understand and will never forget

Exams and assessment :–

Exams are not always easy going. Exams are conducted to honour our intellect. Here one can aim for topper / achiever / champion to be proud of oneself or to make their parents proud. Good learning, keeping everything in mind, recalling the things when there arises a need, perfection in doing things and seriousness in presentation will lead one always to the top. Perhaps, built in behaviour or habit development will always be needed to perform it. One should understand well that success is not easy to be got. You need to strain. The more we learn, the better we can perform without any fear or tension. Unwanted tension can precipitate exam fear.

Causes – are usually numerous, but the common causes are:

	Lack of memory or forgetfulness
	Fear of punishments from parents / teachers
	Bad past experiences
	Improper learning i.e. studying not in depth
	Inattentive / distracted mind
	Lack of self-confidence / hopelessness / inferiority complex
	Health problems

Symptoms – Some would just fear in succeeding / scoring high marks, some other would fear and sweat, and some others would sink and faint in addition. Some others get tremors, nervousness, sometimes they find it difficult to control passing of urine and stool.

Likewise, exam fear can cause a variety of symptoms. The common symptoms are:

	Feeling blank or vagueness before exam
	Difficulty in concentrating and studying while preparing for exams
	Fear to appear for exams
	Getting tensed on seeing difficult questions
	Difficulty in expressing / presentation even for known answers due to fear or inferiority complex
	Confusion and hopelessness
	Sweating and racing heart
	Dizziness due to sleepless study
	Tension and worries

Prevention and management – Learning, keeping it in memory, recalling when needed, presentation, etc. everything needs skill and habit development.

For students - Hygiene should not be excluded while caring for the brain. Health consciousness should be more during the exam period or otherwise every effort taken in studying will go in vain. Take plenty of vegetables, dairy products, cereals, pulses, nuts, etc. Also, be aware that it is not worth just supplementing without any exercises, i.e., only an active body keeps an energetic brain. Also never overload your stomach, since it may induce sleep.

Do’s :

	Learn everything with good concentration and understanding
	Keep everything in memory in inter-relationship
	Revise in the mornings (early morning is the best time, since brain will be more active after a good sleep)
	Prepare for exams right from the beginning and well in advance
	Have confidence that you have learnt everything, you will remember everything, you will present everything and finally you will achieve your goal Understand the question in depth, answer aptly in a cool manner, without any tension

Avoid

	Studying continuously (day and night) – relax often to re-charge your brain.
	Stimulants - coffee / tea. Better take health drinks to keep good energy levels.
	Cool drinks / things to avoid unnecessary cold and fever during exam period Stress and worries.
	Fear of exams / getting blank / forgetfulness.
	Underestimating yourself.
	Studying only as exams near.
	Discussing new things or unknown things before entering the exam hall Watching others in the examination hall.
	Getting tensed by the speed of others in writing and collecting additional sheets.
	Feeling of running out of time - relax, set mind to proceed in good speed and spirit till the end of time.
	Getting blank on seeing tough questions - on those occasions, just skip that question and go with the next known and simple one. In the mean time, your brain will become energetic enough to answer any sort of questions in an easy manner.
	If you follow all these good Luck will be always yours.

For parents - Parents should be aware that studies and creative abilities should always be motivated and should not be forced. Considering the qualities of their children with respect to attention, concentration, confidence, tension, bored mentality, recollecting ability, time management, speed of presentation, self esteem, negative attitude, etc., parents should go for habit formation and if necessary, treatment also. They should educate their children in the way of enhancing self-motivation and providing responsibility.

Do’s :

	Teach your children to be relaxed but not lethargic Teach them in-depth – never allow them to just mug up. Encourage them often – make them revise Prepare them to confront any exam without any pressure and tension Make them present a paper at least once before exam
Avoid :
	Bad parenting – Be kind to them
	Repeated reminders for / about studying
	Interfering while studying
	Aiming high and forcing the children to achieve the unachievable (go according to the capacity of your child)

Childrens Pledge to Internet safety

Discuss these rules, make your child agree with it, post it to the computer as a reminder. Remember to monitor their compliance with these rules, especially when it comes to the amount of time your child spends on the computer.

Make a print-out of this pledge and keep it next to the computer. Remind him if he forgets.

· I promise NEVER to give my name, address, phone number, school's name, computer passwords or picture, to anyone on the Internet without my parents' approval.

· I promise to tell a parent or teacher if I see any bad language or pictures on the Internet, or if anyone makes me feel nervous or uncomfortable online.

· I promise to stay out of any chat rooms and websites not approved of by my parents. I Shall always be polite, never abuse anyone whoever much I may be provoked & never hurt others feeling.

· I promise not to meet face to face with someone I meet on the Internet without telling my parents first and getting their approval, and I promise that any approved meeting shall be in a public place with my parents present.

· I promise to be online only during the times and days my parents, school, and I set aside for using the internet.

I PROMISE TO REMEMBER WHATEVER I HAVE JUST SAID !

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